Bringing Sexy Back

I walked into the bedroom this morning to grab some stuff to get ready for church.  I looked in the bed and there was a big lump completely under the covers and 3 pillows.  My first thought "This is sexy". It wasn't sarcasm, that was legitimately my first thought.  I'll tell you why it was sexy.  He worked 22 of the past 31 hours.  9 of those hours were overtime.  He has chosen to work doubles on Saturdays, (even though that means about 5 hours of sleep on Friday nights, and about 6ish hours of sleep on Saturday night) so he can have an extra day off to spend with us at home.  Inara. Shepherd. Me. He is choosing us over sleep and comfort. He is sacrificing for his family. He is giving, giving, giving...and that my friends is the definition of sexy.

I see people and Christians posting Instagrams with hash tag #mcm or #mancandymonday.  I always think its weird or whatever, but its more than that. It is a lie.  Ryan Gossling's piercing blue eyes aren't created to love you like Christ loved the church.  Channing Tatum's abs aren't made to sacrifice and show you the love of Christ.  Husbands were. Husbands are sexy.  The fact that Justin always seems to change Shep's poopy diapers....that's sexy and that is #mancandymonday.

Justin is far from perfect, but what if we has wives spoke up for them.  What if we posted pictures of our mowed lawn after a long day at work...#mancandymonday?  What if when you saw that hashtag you saw exhausted husbands and dads (albeit imperfectly) loving their families?  What if teen guys, single dudes, and weary husbands saw what a real man should be? What if girls and women around Facebook and Instagram saw what real men look like?  Lies replaced with truth.  Striving replaced with hope. Ladies, you'll probably never marry a Ryan Gossling or Channing Tatum, (even if you do, he'll get old, fat, and hairy..it's true) but you can stop believing and spreading the lie of what a real man is. Dudes, you'll likely never be Ryan or Channing, but there is hope for you in Christ to be manly, strong, and brave!

Like I said, Justin isn't perfect. Neither am I.  But I am so super thankful that because Jesus saved Justin from his own sin and selfishness, the Gospel is preached in our home.  Inara will grow up seeing an example of a real man.  And, Lord willing, she'll let someone like him love and pursue her.  Shepherd will see what kind of man he can be, in Christ. And, Lord willing, he'll not believe the lie of the world says.

*This is not me saying my husband is perfect. He's not. He's a sinner who needs Jesus just like every other husband and person that ever lived. This is me being thankful for how God is changing him to be more like Jesus*

Here are some pics of what a real man looks like, just for reference :)

I normally have to tell him to take a nap,
because he rarely asks for more rest.

Helping Inara learn about how to embrace how God made her to be feminine,
and how to be content with her looks/clothes at the same time

 I know I don't have a lot of  "followers" but lets blow up Facebook and Instagra, this week by posting about a #realman.  It doesn't have to be a husband or a dad either. I know plenty of dudes who work hard, are courageous enough to turn their eyes away from the magazine rack and the grocery, or who choose to love the lost.  Post your photos this week!  Lets show the world a different kind of man. A real man...one broken for the Lord.

When I want to complain...

I just got off the phone with my insurance company and a health care provider...and well lets just say it didn't go well.  My first instinct was to go straight to Facebook and complain.  But wait. God says do everything without complaining or arguing... So, how about this. I won't complain, I'll just inform people of this frustration.  That's how it works right? :)  I had it all typed out and ready to go. It was short, to the point, and made sure everyone knew how I had been wronged.  But before I could hit submit, God got to me.  "Is this going to ruin you're day? Am I that small to you? It's frustrating to you, but what a 'first world problem' this is.  How will you respond? In obedience and thankfulness? Or is bitterness and anger?"

Ugh, I'm a mess people!  Even now, I'm upset because this is just one more bill to add to the pile and it just seems like it never ends in the Duke house.  Cars break, our house needs work, our people need medical/dental work.  Its funny how God is using this one circumstance to really get to the heart of the issue...which is this.  I think I deserve for things to go smoothly for me.  I feel like I've paid my dues and when is it going to be my turn for stuff to go the right way...my way.

Gross.

Seeing how I feel in words is really disgusting.  The truth is, I do deserve stuff. I deserve death, and hell, and pain, and unhappiness for the rest of my earthly life and eternity.  But God is so good to me. He gives me Heaven. joy. the Holy Spirit. Himself.  And he's such a great Dad he gives me even more. Great husband. Kiddos that have changed my life. A church family that's amazing.  A job that is pretty awesome too.

So today, I'll choose to obey and be thankful. I'll think of what is true. noble. right. pure. lovely. excellent. praiseworthy.

Thank you Jesus, for not letting me get away with my sin. Thank you for disciplining me because you love me. I am yours. Amen

They say its your birthday...

I know its nearly midnight, which means its almost the 6th...but today is my best friend's birthday! I just really needed to share with the world the awesomeness that is Katie Stephenson. For realz.  So we have known each other since we were freshman in high school (Oh.em.gee, could that have really been half of our life ago?!) and even rocked the freshman volleyball team together :) Go Raiders!  Our senior year God slowly began orchestrating our lives together.  We ended up having 2 classes together.  We should have known then we were destined to be besties.  I mean, we showed up to class one day, and both had decided to get our tragus pierced.

Nursing school started and voila! We "randomly" had every class scheduled together.  It was fate. We were "study" buddies for 4 years.  Studying usually meant eating pizza, cookies, watching trashy TV, and having coffee cake for breakfast in the morning.  Oh yeah, remember that time we replayed that scene from Elf over and over again, so we could record the best part as ringtones for our boyfriends?

I remember praying right before we left your house. 
I just knew God had big things for you.

Somehow we made it though school with our degree and an amazing friendship.  We were in each others' weddings, spent weekends together, and our infamous "ride home from work call" began.  Then on Christmas 2007 our bond became unbreakable when she became my sister in the Lord.  I'll never forget looking over and seeing my friend take communion and realizing she was now my sister.   After Church, I asked her about it...and she was all like "Yeah, so I'm a Christian now".

We made it!

The past 6 years our friendship has become even closer.  We joke that we are the same person and have some crazy similarities (Mom's with the same birthday and birthmarks in the same place!).  We seriously might share the same brain :)

We know how to party...80's style!

I can always count on her to listen.  She speaks biblical truth and wisdom to my sometimes scattered brain.  I got the joy of keeping her oldest baby while she worked for 18 months. I really do miss MK.  We have been on fun adventures together and gone through the valleys too.  Even our sorrows seem to happen the same ways and at the same time.

Ugly Sweater Christmas party.  Remember this one?
We spent the whole party shaking that ice cream ball.

We've been through countless bible studies together and I am SUPER excited about doing another one with her this year.  Even though we are busier now with 2 kiddos each (of course we both had wild girls first and then our sweet boys) we still don't make it a few days without a phone call or text.  I mean, I can't go a whole week without talking to her!

It was soooo cold this night. Did someone get their jacket
stolen from the coat check? I forget

But seriously. My life is so richly blessed because she is in it.  I've never had a friend quite like her and I'm so thankful to be a grown woman with a BFF.

Pre-baby bikinis.  Remember trying to teach me how to dive?
That was fun and embarrassing :)

 I'm glad our daughters are buddies (even if they fight and cry the whole time), our babies are sweeties, and both of our hubbys are amazing.  It really fun to do life together with them.  Now, if only we could move in next door...

Happy Birthday to the best friend a girl could have!

Why did you work EVERY Halloween?

30 Days of Thankfulness: Day 29

Today I am thankful for who God has allowed me to marry...my husband. Once again nothing big, just the way he loves me so very well in so many little ways. Getting me glasses of milk when he gets up, fixing the legs on my pants when we are snuggling, turning off lights that annoyingly shine in my eyes, giving me grace for eating out for dinner 3 nights this week, and so many other ways. Also we have been discussing different ways of discipline and how to best biblically discipline Inara (I'll definitely be posting about that later). Today we talked and both reached the same conclusion about what to do with her. I am so thankful God has allowed us to be on the same page! Thanks babe for being so awesome :)

30 Day of Thankfulness: Day 28

Honestly today it was hard to be thankful. Nothing just popped in my head.  I woke up for work EXHAUSTED, nauseated, and with a headache...not a great way to start a 12 hour night shift.  So as I sat here staring blankly at the screen. I wanted to be honest...and honestly...I came up with nothing :(  I could put something to look good, but I just didn't FEEL thankful. But thankfulness is a choice, not a feeling:

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18- Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

Not be thankful when you FEEL like it, or on good days, or when things are great...but in ALL circumstances.  So here is me fighting to BE thankful even when I don't FEEL thankful and just want to complain:

I am thankful for this truth. That how I feel doesn't have to determine the outcome of my night at work.  That God has given me his spirit to love him and obey him. I am thankful that even though my night at work will likely be long, that I have a job I like to go to.  I am thankful that even if my night is crazy, God is not. God is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. 

Do you ever have to CHOOSE to be thankful even when you don't FEEL like it?

30 Days of Thankfulness: Day 27

Today I am thankful for how God has chosen to provide for us once again. We needed to get a double stroller, and even saved up money to purchase one. But someone bought it for us. We are so thankful and super excited to load up both kiddos :) This is the stroller we got and I am super pumped!

30 Days of Thankfulness: Day 26

Today I am thankful that God did not intend for us to live the Christian life in isolation.  Thanks to technology I have been able to have some encouraging conversation and thought provoking ideas with some pretty awesome ladies.  I am thankful God gives us each other to spur one another on towards love and good deeds.

30 Days of Thankfulness: Day 25

Today I am thankful to be off work! Like I have said a few times I usually work on Sundays. It has been a nice day of relaxing, decorating for Christmas, and of course Christmas movies/music. Although this year, Inara is older so our Christmas movies I think are going to look a little different.  She was scared of Home Alone, Christmas Vacation is probably not appropriate for our very inquisitive and observant 3 year old, and she even didn't want to watch Elf :(  I never thought Strawberry Shortcake Christmas would EVER be on in my house :) Justin is awesome and put the whole tree together by himself as I am becoming less and less useful around here!

Inara putting her Nativity people on the corresponding people on her book...so organized!

30 Days of Thankfulness: Day 24

Today I am 31 weeks and 1 day pregnant.  This is exactly how far along I was when Inara was born.  So today I am thankful to be pregnant with no signs of Shepherd's arrival. It's been fun to actually prepare for a baby. Its a miracle everytime I feel him move and kick, and I am thankful God has given me 31 weeks and 1 day of being pregnant with my baby boy :)

30 Days of Thankfulness: Day 21, Day 22, and Day 23

Day 21:  I am thankful for the job that God has given me.  There was a time when I dreaded going to work and was constantly looking for a way out. So even though I had to work Thanksgiving night, I am not sad. I go to a job working with super cute kiddos, good co-workers, GREAT insurance, and doing something that I actually like. I am thankful God has me where I am, even if I prefer to be a SAHM.

Day 22: Today I am thankful for time with my family. It was super fun to see Inara playing with her cousins. I had a great time with my family (even if I was running on 3 hours of sleep). And I ended the day roasting some marshmallows. It was a good day :)

Day 23: Today I am thankful for how God provides.  A while ago we found out that even though I bought short-term disability, something went wrong with the paper work and it didn't go through.  They are STILL working on it, but I am not hopeful it will be processed in time.  So we finally sat down and figured out that I will have 6 weeks of paid time off.  I obviously don't want to go back to work with a 6 week old at home (even if it is just part-term). So we figured we could probably go about 4 weeks with me not getting paid.  So 10 weeks, not to bad.  I wasn't worried about how it would all play out, but just figured we would see how it went.  If I had to go back to work earlier...no big deal.  But God...through some VERY unforseen circumstances dropped some extra money in our laps and now it looks like I'll be able to stay off the whole 12 weeks and "pay" my self! It was totally unexpected, but a huge blessing. Just another way I feel like God reminds us so much that he not only takes care of our biggest problem (sin), but lavishes his love on us in so many other ways.  Sure I am thankful to be off work, but its really just a reminder that God loves us so much and just like any good Dad loves to give good gifts!

30 Days of Thankfulness: Day 20

Today I am thankful for technology! I had another rough part of the day with Inara and it as AMAZINGLY helpful to be able to pick up my phone to talk to my hubby.  How hard it must have been before phones/cell phones to have a bad day! So many times I have called on him or my Dad for some help. I am so thankful God gave some people really awesome and smart brains to advance technology and for his kingdom too! When I read that Bonhoeffer biography about a year ago, I remember thinking how his letters he sent to friends were essentially blog posts! What a great impact he had on other with just pen/paper. I know there are churches that podcast their sermons for the whole world!  Anyway, I think there are other ways technology is great, but today I am thankful God has allowed me the blessing of using it!

30 Days of Thankfulness: Day 19

I had been planning on writing about being thankful for Inara today since today is her actual birthday. But honestly, its really hard being her Mom today. I know everyone has those parenting moments.  I just am really having a hard time disciplining her in a meaningful way. It seems like nothing I have done today has really done the trick to get her attention. Either she doesn't care or it doesn't make a lasting impression on her.  Since my blog will be here forever I'll spare you the details of her disrespectful behavior and just leave it at this: it has been rough.  I am thankful Justin is coming home a little early today so I don't have to deal with her my self. And even as I type this, I am sad. I am sad her little heart is so hardened to sin. I am sad she chooses to make unwise choices over and over no matter how I respond (with grace, firmly, disciplining, ignoring etc) I guess it makes me sad for when she is older too. I know I can't MAKE my child choice to make wise choices and that is a total bummer.

So even though it has been a rough day, I have to make wise choices myself. And that means being thankful. Thankful that 3 years ago today I survived. Thankful that Inara not only just made it, but really is thriving. Thankful that God has used her birth in so many ways to bring himself glory. Thankful that my husband was so wonderfully terrific during a really hard time.  Thankful to really see what the body of Christ looks like. I'll be thankful that God teaches me so much about his great love through Inara. Thankful God is the perfect parent. Thankful God has helped me have self-control and wisdom so far today.

Sorry for the Debbie Downer post, but today I have to fight to be thankful.  It isn't a feeling a choice I have to make today. I pray it will help me really embrace this opportunity to love Inara the best way.

30 Days of Thankfulness: Day 18

Today I am thankful for a weekend of rest.  It's pretty similar to yesterday, but I just am REALLY thankful God has provided this time to hang out at home with my 2 faves and just spend some good quality time together. I even got to go on a date with my man! I know these next few weeks will be pretty busy for us, so I am thankful for some time to slow down and chill!

30 Days of Thankfulness: Day 17

Today I am thankful for time with my family! It seems I have worked nearly EVERY Friday and Sunday for the past few months, and this week I have them both off! We started the day by sleeping in, snuggling in bed, dance party, breakfast, craft time, and now its a little Daddy/Inara time. I am SO thankful God has provided time for this weekend to spend some much needed time with my 2 favorite people! Also I just asked Inara if I could come play with her and Justin and she yelled "NO!" and then ran off :) I am glad she loves her Daddy. Oh it should me mentioned that they are playing the "go to sleep" game where Justin gets to lay in her bed with the lights off while she pretends to give him bed time snacks and sings songs to him.  I think he might actually just fall asleep in there!

30 Days of Thankfulness: Day 16

Today I am super thankful for insurance! I have SOOOOO many doctor appointments/tests/therapy appointments scheduled for me and Inara coming up. Regardless of our ability to pay in full, these would need to happen. I am so thankful God has provided me with an awesome job with wonderful insurance and thus far we have only paid co-pays for our many many appointments. I am so thankful for a low deductible! (I also feel like such an adult because I am excited about my deductible, ha!) After dealing with the absolute horrible mess of insurance after Inara was born, I am so thankful God has allowed this time to be a little smoother :) I know it seems like a small thing to be thankful for, but I want to be in the habit of praising God for everything!

30 days of Thankfulness: Day 15

Today I am thankful God has given me a job that allows me to spend some time at home with Inara.  I would love to be a full time SAHM,  but God has not provided that for us at this time.  Today I need to nap because I work tonight. I could (and have done so before) pout about having to leave her and be sad about the time I miss with her.  But today I will choose thankfulness. Today I will be intentional with the time I do have so I don't miss it while being discontent.  I will be thankful that when I leave, Justin and her get to have some time together. I will praise God that when I go to my job, I am blessed with a job I actually like going to. I will choose to thank God for where I am today, and not whine about where I want to be in the future.

30 Days of Thankfulness: Day 12, 13, 14

Day 12

I am thankful for the body of Christ and belonging to a church.  It has been so apparent to me lately the value of not just being around other Christians, but being a PART of a church.  We have benefited numerous ways and have seen the hard times people face when doing life apart from the body. I am so thankful God has us where we are.

Day 13

I am thankful for rest! I was so tired after working Monday night and was super thankful God has provided us with a warm house and bed for me to climb into. I was able to get some good rest and not wake up a total zombie :)

Day 14

I am thankful for the truth of God's word. It has brought me much peace and comfort today.  I am so thankful that even though my life changes daily, God's word never changes and never comes back void!

30 Days of Thankfulness: Day 11

Today I am thankful for Inara! Today we celebrated her birthday with some friends. It seems crazy that 3 years ago this weekend I was put on bedrest and only a few short days Inara made her surprise arrival.  She isn't perfect but I honestly can't imagine our life without her.  She is super funny and crazy smart.  It's crazy to think how much my love for her has grown over the past 3 years (PS, how is it possibly my BABY is 3?!).  I am so thankful God has given her to us to look after and care for.  She is such a blessing to me and God uses her in so many ways to challenge and grow me :)

30 Days of Thankfulness: Day 10

Today I am thankful for how much Inara loves my parents!  Today they kept her so Justin and I could go to a conference at church. Turns out though, that it is pretty difficult for a 7 month preggo to sit in chairs for very long and I had to leave early.  My parents wanted to know if I wanted to meet them for breakfast, so I met them at Cracker Barrel. Inara was happy at first, but then she got real serious and sad and said "Mom, I don't want you to be here. Don't eat with us".  Once we started talking about why she wanted me to leave, it was actually pretty cute.  She thought after breakfast I was going to take her home and she wanted to hang out with Mawmaw and Pawpaw more :) How sweet huh?  Once I explained that she would be spending more time with them after breakfast and I was going home she was much nicer to me. I am thankful she loves them both so much :)  

30 days of Thankfulness: Day 9

Today I am thankful for my husband.  He works hard all day (sometimes all night too) and when he gets home he still works hard to take care of me and Inara. I am one blessed wifey!