Happy Birthday, Shepherd!

Oh the second child! This post is 2 months later, but butter than nothing huh?!


Weight: 26 pounds

Length: 35 inches

Favorite moments: Our slap happy moments right before bed, his sweet belly laugh when tickled or played with, seeing Him and Inara becoming buddies.

Least favorite moments: Hitting Inara all the time

Milestones: learning colors and shapes, new words everyday

Likes: Inara (we are always hearing "Nara. Come on!"), The Lego Movie, Legos, MawMaw and PawPaw, cousins, chipotle, blankie ("kankie"), cars, seeing the Penguins at the Zoo.

Shepherd is such a fun addition to our family. Right now he is really into The LEGO Movie. He carries around a little Emmet and Wyldstyle all day long, switching their heads, hair which he calls "hats", and pants. He follows around Inara and does whatever she does. He is really mastering the art of being an annoying little brother. It is really sweet how he just wants to play with her all the time. Inara is so sweet and patient with him, way more patient than I would be. She is always looking out for him, too. Just today, they were coloring together at the table and I heard this:

Inara: Ok Buddy, these are the scissors and they will hurt you. So don't touch them ok?

Shepherd: Ok

I can't believe my baby is two. Time raced after Inara was born, but with Shepherd it has flown by. I mean he was just born, how can he possibly be two?! But I guess I officially can't call him my baby anymore. I always say "Are you my baby?" and he would reply "Uh-huh." Now it's "No!" As much as I hate the baby phase is gone, it really is so fun to watch him learn new things. Inara had an amazing vocabulary at this age. And even though he doesn't, he seems to be smarter in other ways and just really understands how things work.

He's such a blessing to our family, and it is hard to remember a time when he wasn't in it.

A Birthday Letter

Inara, I simply cannot believe 5 years have past since you were born into this world so abruptly. I couldn't have hoped things would have turned out as well as they did! But God had different plans.

I used to tell Mamaw I was never having kids because they ruin your life. And Baby, I couldn't have been farther from the truth. The ONLY thing that you have done has been making my life richer. I know when you read this when you are older, you will roll your eyes. And I totally get that. That was me! But one day, when you have children, then you will finally understand how much I love you. You try to tell me that you love me more, and my answer is always "Impossible."

Inara means "Heaven sent", and we prayed you would be a blessing to those you met. But honestly, I never thought I would be the biggest benefactor! You are so sweet and giving. You give away your toys to anyone. Seriously, nearly every friend who comes to visit, leaves with something. It's so sweet to see your generous spirit. You really are just too sweet. Tonight after some cake and ice cream with Mamaw and Papaw, you said "I just don't think a birthday could get any better." 

You are such a good big sister. You always look out for Shepherd. Just the other day I heard you say "Come here, buddy. Let me wipe your nose." And that's just what you did. You can make him laugh and he often will says "Sister. Sister." But by far the sweetest thing is when you help me put him to bed. We rock in the chair together as you help me sing "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star" and he always asks for another kiss from us both once he's in his crib.

You are so fun and so very smart. Too smart sometimes. Dad and I can't really spell things around you anymore, because you figure them out. You like to learn about really anything. You tell me you want to be a veterinarian, and I believe you! When the World Cup was on, you learned a lot about other countries, and you still remember those things too. It's fun to see how your brain works. Since you are so smart, you make some good jokes too.

Just recently you have become quite the artist. You went from scribbles to really good drawings in the matter of about 3 or 4 weeks. It's fun to see you use your imagination and nearly everything you color is rainbow colors.

Baby, you are just the best. Momma loves you so much. And we always talk about who loves you the most. You know the answer is God, and I'm praying for that knowledge to make its way to your heart. Its interesting though. It seems the harder time I have parenting and just screwing up, the softer your heart becomes for things of the Lord. So if it takes years and years of me coming and asking for forgiveness, and just being a total parental mess for you to run to Jesus..I'll gladly do it. I see so many wonderful things you could do for the Lord when you are older. But why wait, you really are doing so many wonderful things now! You are such a sweet and precious gift to me from God. I pray I'll hold you loosely, while also wrapping you in my arms. Inara Sarai Duke, you will always be my baby :)

Birthday Boy

Last week the Lord gave me such a sweet moment with Shepherd.  He seemed kind of sleepy and Inara was out of the house, so I thought I would just enjoy a little rocking chair time with him.  He fell asleep almost instantly.  It was so amazing.  Worship music was playing in the living room and I was holding my baby.  I was silent crying nearly the whole time. I couldn't believe that nearly a whole year had passed. I couldn't believe that we weren't planning on having another baby, but he fits perfectly in our family.  It was a sweet time to pray for him and Inara and for God to work mightily in their lives.  I was overwhelmed with dreams for them both.

It was fun to think back on the crazy few weeks before Shepherd was due. SO MANY TRIAGE VISITS.  One visit I was even told that I would be having my baby that day, only to be informed it was an allergic reaction not Cholestasis.  I remember the excitement and then disappointment of that day.  I am glad I didn't have a c-section, but was blessed with the most beautiful (and fast) VBAC.  The love that instantly couldn't be contained, is one I'll never forget.

I remember the first few years after Inara was born, I would think back to her delivery. I would remember all the hard and awful things, and praise God for being there with me through it all.

The thought of my suffering and homelessness

    is bitter beyond words.[a]

I will never forget this awful time,

    as I grieve over my loss.

Yet I still dare to hope

    when I remember this:

The faithful love of the Lord never ends![b]

    His mercies never cease.

Great is his faithfulness;

    his mercies begin afresh each morning.

I say to myself, “The Lord is my inheritance;

    therefore, I will hope in him!”

Lamentations 3:19-24

That's also why I like to think about Shepherd's delivery.  My surprise baby.  My miracle baby.  I was terrified when I found out I was pregnant. It was a REAL struggle.  And God blessed me beyond anything I could have imagined. I didn't CARE how he came into this world, only that he came safely.  But God is in the business of extravagant grace and the VBAC he allowed me to have was more than I could have asked for.  

This guy.  He has my heart. He is sweet and crazy, and WILD.  I love him fiercely.  But I know e is seriously going to give me a run for my money. He just is non-stop crazy. I can't wait to see how he lives up to his name: Shepherd Justin.  I pray he tends to God's flock. He is just and cares about injustice done to the rest of God's people.  I just love him. so. very. much.

Weight: 20lbs 12 oz

Length: 30 inches

Favorite moments:  snuggling with his last bottle of the day

Least favorite moments:  Back to back ear infections, followed by a sinus infection, cold, and allergic reaction to his antibiotic

New words: Pawpaw, ball, more, bo-bo= bottle

Likes: eating, playing with Inara, his 2 blankies, obsessed with his snack catcher

Dislikes: diaper changes, getting snack catcher taken away

A new name

4 years ago today, I received a new name: Mom.  That day (and many days after) were some of the hardest in my life.  But here's the thing, I wouldn't change a thing. I've come a long way, God has done a mighty work in my life to be able to say that, but its true.  Inara Sarai Duke is my "Heaven sent Princess" and the beauty of her life is in how God cared for her (and me) so mightily.  4 years ago, my daughter was cut from my body and taken away.  4 years ago, my heart experienced such great sorrow in the midst of such great joy.  My heart has grown so much in those 4 years. I didn't know I could love anyone like I do now.  4 years ago, my life changed. I'm so glad it did. What a blessing to be Inara's mom.  I'm so thankful for my new name.

Her first photo. Tiny 3lbs 1oz little miracle

My heart nearly exploded the first time I saw her face without any tubes.
Isn't it the cutest baby face you've ever seen!

3 Months!

Inara is now 3 months old! She is so much fun these days. She is able to hold her head up a lot more and smiles a lot now. It is funny though because she will be smiling for a long time, and as SOON as I whip out the camera...smile...GONE. It is driving me nuts because she has the sweetest biggest smile. The ones I have captured on camera are nothing compared to the real thing. Here are some pics from our photo shoot.





Also this little babe slept 6 hours last night! WOOOHOO. Lets hope for a repeat performance tonight. :)

Holy moly...1 month old!

Wow, I totally can't believe it. Our baby girl is 1 month old today! It's craziness. This month has gone by fast, but also so slow. This week we had such a good time snuggling together, it was so hard to put her down. I stood up to put her away, and then just stood there holding her for a few more minutes. The nurse asked if I needed anything...nope. I just wanted to hold a little while longer. Sometimes I think when she comes home, I'll never put her down. I'm sure after a few days, I will. But those 1st days of uninterrupted time will be marvelous!

We walked into the nursery today to find our beautiful girl with her oxygen off...again. Hopefully this time it stays off. They took it off last night and as of this afternoon she was doing fine without it. Also she now weighs 4.5lbs! YAY, what a big girl! :) We had a good time visiting with her today. Justin fed her and then we just stared at her. It was fun because she was awake and was looking at us.



Later I came by with my parents, and something awesome happened. She was facing my parents and I was on the other side. I started talking to her and she turned her head to look at me...ahhh. Talk about melting my heart! It was really cool to be at the hospital with my parents. About 2 years ago, I wasn't sure my Dad would live a few hours longer. God showed us and literally saved him from the grave. Now he gets to see his grand-daughter (he calls her little papoose).

It would be great if she came home for Christmas, but once again. I want her to come home on God's timing and not mine.

Inara Sarai Duke

Inara Sarai Duke was born November 19th at 7:40 pm weighing a whopping 3.1 lbs. Amazingly she is doing really great. God is so faithful to us and her during this trying time. Each day she gets a little stronger and makes a little more progress. We are SOOO thankful and blessed to be children of God. God continues to show us His awesomeness, faithfulness, and might!

I will try to update on her progress here every couple days. I'll post pics too, so you can see our little peanut grow! Please continue to pray. :)