For future me

Dear hormonal Lauren,

Let me first start by saying...it is OK. Now I know you, so don't go roll your eyes and say "yeah but...".  Just know that it is really going to be ok.  I can say that right now because I am in my right mind and know that once this baby comes you will likely not be.  You will be sad for another c-section, or a baby that won't latch on, or the noise of that awful pump.

But God! He is so big and so strong, and His arms are open wide. Run to him in your emotional and foggy minded state. He understands like no one else does. He made you Lauren and believe it or not, he knew whatever is happening right now would happen...in fact he willed it would be so.

When you feel guilty or like you are being a bad mom for giving this new baby formula...just stop and don't feel that way.  I know it seems easier said that done.  But remember, Inara had formula and she turned out just fine! The purpose of pregnancy is not...I repeat NOT to have a natural childbirth, with a baby that latches right away, who is perfectly healthy and nurses wonderfully for at least a year. Ideal..maybe but not the purpose of pregnancy.

And while we are at it, I am going to say something that might make you cry, but it is true and you may need to hear it...You do not deserve to have a perfect pregnancy/childbirth/labor/parenting experience. *Take a break to think about that* Are you ready for more? Ok, so you don't deserve it, but guess what? God gives us so much better things that we don't deserve! You get to go to Heaven when you die or He comes back.  He has given you the Holy Spirit to guide, convict, and teach you about his love and your sin.  He has given you the most glorious and inexpressible joy in His Son Jesus! I promise you those are far better than your image of  "perfect experience".

Cling to God's word when you feel lost. You did it here and here.  You came out on the other side and were OK. No you were more than ok, you had JOY. Joy that I assure you does NOT come from your plan, but from submitting to God's perfect and sanctifying plan.  Trust Him. He will not fail you.