Wednesday, July 31, 2013

How hormones seek to ruin my life

A bit dramatic?  Well that's how I feel people.  I try to joke around, but that's the truth.  These past 2 weeks have been ROUGH.  The hormonal mood swings I have had are craziness.  It nice they are so dramatic because its comforting to know its hormonal and not me losing my mind.  I think to make matters worse (much, much worse) is I have some pretty nasty things going on in my heart these days.  If you read my post on my Summer Reading List then you can see a glimpse of what I am struggling with.

I started reading "Life Together" because I feel so alone and isolated.  I started re-reading "Excellent Wife" because I feel like I am failing miserably at helping in any way.  Same thing with parenting.  My patience is running out (because I am trying to parent on my own strength) so I picked up "Give Them Grace" for some "pointers" on how to do this whole parenting thing without totally messing Inara up for life.  Baby #2 has taken a toll on my body and matters to me how  lok. I am struggling with this new body I have.  So I picked up "Authentic Beauty" to help guide me in the right direction.  The veil has been lifted and God is showing me the depths of sin in my heart in this area.  I am seeing not only am I judging myself based on appearance, but I unfortunately am doing the same with other people.  I picked up "Baby Led Weaning" because I was interested in this way of introducing solids to your baby.  And I picked "Meet Jesus" a little bible study because I am aware that He is the only way to change any of the above issues I am having.

I would love to tell you I have worked out all these issues and now I am great.  I am a helpful wife, loving mom, and great friend.  But right now I'm just a mess. A hormonal, crying, lost mess.  I'm looking forward to my day alone with God on tomorrow to start the process of letting God fix my heart. 

*In full disclosure, I wrote this Saturday when I was feeling particularly hormonal. Today I'm much better and haven't cried in THREE DAYS! :) I'm still very much looking forward to my day with Jesus tomorrow.


  1. Praying for you dear friend! My hormones were crazy as well, and I stayed in PPD for a long time. I can definitely relate. Even though your heart harbors a ton of gunk right now (as you listed above), that same heart is still running after Jesus in the midst of all of it. That's something you can take joy in. Jesus has transformed your heart to the point where it desires Him. Praise God for the miracles He works :).

    1. Thanks for the encouragement Kat. Sometimes its hard to see the positive and "true" things when my head is so foggy :)


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