I'm letting go

My heart beats, standing on the edge
But my feet have finally left the ledge

Like an acrobat
There’s no turning back

I’m letting go
Of the life I planned for me
And my dreams
I’m losing control
Of my destiny
It feels like I’m falling and that’s what it’s like to believe
So I’m letting go

This is a giant leap of faith
Trusting and trying to embrace

The fear of the unknown
Beyond my comfort zone

I’m letting go
Of the life I planned for me
And my dreams
I’m losing control
Of my destiny
It feels like I’m falling and that’s what it’s like to believe
So I’m letting go

Giving in to your gravity
Knowing You are holding me
I’m not afraid

I’m letting go
Of the life I planned for me
And my dreams
I’m losing control
Of my destiny
It feels like I’m falling and that’s what it’s like to believe
So I’m letting go

Feels like I’m falling and that’s what it’s like to believe
Feels like I’m falling and this is the life for me

I am making this the theme for my life right now. To be honest, since I found out I was pregnant, I have not been me. I have ignored God and pushed him away.  I am terrified of having another miscarriage, of getting bad news at my 20 week ultrasound, of having a still born baby, having a premature baby, and having my baby die at the hospital I currently work at....not super great things have been going on in my heart lately. But instead of trusting that God has plans for my good I have been running away from the ONLY one who can give me rest.  

Today at church, my sin found me out. I am so thankful!  Thankful for a God who has not given me over to my sin, and who lives to intercede for me.  I realized in church I have really been ignoring the fact that I was pregnant...I mean duh right.  I was excited to be pregnant, but not hopeful it would end in a "good way".  But God is quick to remind me that His was are higher than my ways, and there is no better place to be than praying for God's will to be done...whatever that may be.  There have been countless blessings that have come from Inara being born prematurely.  Honestly...too many to count.  Would I have chosen for that to happen? Heck-to-the-no. Am I joyful in knowing that even though I wouldn't have planned it that way, God did and His plans are perfect...OH YES!

Please don't get me wrong. I do not have it together. I sit here with tears rolling down my face as I give this pregnancy and little child to the Lord. I am still terrified of the "what ifs" that could happen...BUT I am making a choice to not stay there. To ask God everyday to take my fear and replace it with trust. I am pleading with God to have a healthy baby, who is born full term, and nurses like a champ :)...but I am praying God will let me hold my plans loosely so I can cling to Him.  So...I am letting go and losing control...I am terrified...but have so much more hope and joy today than I have had in the past 6 weeks. What do you need to let go of, so you can hold tighter to Christ?