Food for thought

So its been 5 days since I've had a sugary drink or caffeine.  I guess I have never had this kind of experience before and I'm glad I am.  While I have been "good" about keeping my fast, the Lord is so gracious to me to show me how sinful my heart really is.  My friend sent me this worksheet on fasting and it really helped to put into words the state of my heart.

1.  What did you hear God saying to you during your time of prayer and fasting?  Its funny, because I fasting bionically is always linked with prayer or worship...and I've done neither.  Probably why its been so hard.  God has shown me, how I REALLY do only need him. And how I DON'T "Hunger and thirst for righteousness" and there for I am NOT satisfied. I really didn't see how food played such a vital role in my happiness. It's humbling but I am thankful for God making it clear to me.  For example, this morning I went to the Zoo...well tried to. I got all the way there and forgot my pass. I drove home, got my pass, and needed gas. So I got gas...and a little "pick me up"...a Nutty bar and some juice.  And shamefully as soon as I started eating my snack...I felt better. I wasn't as annoyed or frustrated...God showed me that was bad.  I know God gives us food to enjoy, but not to idolize. I honestly had never thought I did...maybe its because I'm not overweight and super unhealthy...but my heart IS.  God also showed me how ridiculous I am. 


2. What did God bring to light about your own sin? What and how did you see more clearly how you've been sinning against God and others.  God is showing me SO many things about my wicked heart in just these last few days. 

-I am NOT content in my circumstances. Last night we went to quiznos after the gym, and I was honestly pissed that I couldn't have their delicious strawberry lemonade, and had to drink water.  Yes, instantly cold water, that was easily accessible, and I didn't have to walk a days journey for 1 jug to take care of my starving family...and I was upset.  I even snapped at Justin to fix our ice maker because if I HAVE to drink water...I only want it ice cold....diva much.  Looking back on last night I am disgusted...which I guess is good. I want to be changed and not be like the fool described in James 1.  And in light of yesterday and today behavior...I am adding no sweets to my fast.  Not as a punishment, but because I obviously run to sugar in all forms to feel better.

-I run to everything/everyone else first before God.  Yesterday while I was driving I was listening to a sermon by Mark Driscoll about marriage. He said something that really stood out to me "When you idolize someone, then you'll end up demonizing them". Point being when I want someone/thing to be Jesus and it can't..I end up being really mad. Its foolish, idolatry, and pride...great qualities to see in yourself!

I am very thankful that the same God who convicts of sin (NOT condemns Christians) is the same God who empowers to changed. I don't hear him beating me on the head and saying "you loser! you are so selfish and and awful daughter of mine. Just go away". No I hear his tender yet firm voice singing over me saying "come here little flock. I love you and I will change you to be more like me. You can trust me. I will never leave you and I will be with you always. When all the things of the word disappoint. I will not. Come with me. Trust me"...then just as a parent kisses a "boo boo" and makes it all better...so does God.