Sunday, September 11, 2011

It was a hard week

*warning long post ahead*

This was a very hard week for me. I was super busy taking care of a sick husband, a sick kiddo, working, and trying to not let the house implode.

It all started at the end of our our little get-a-way with my family. The last day Inara woke up, puked, and then was super fussy. It made for a fun (sarcasm) 4.5 hour car ride home...oh and she didn't nap either. She was still really sick on tuesday, so Justin stayed home with her in the morning so I could work. I came home to her just wanting to lay around (and not let me put her down). Every time I would put her down to do anything I heard "mommy, pick you up". It was first.

Wednesday I spent the morning with her then took her to the doctor as it was obvious something was really wrong with her. She would suddenly tense up, fall to the ground, and cry out "belly hurt". I took her in and they wanted to do some blood work. So I took a tired and sick kiddo to the Outpatient Children's Lab in NKY. It was so sad to hold her down while they drew some blood :( So thankful for the awesome staff though who got it on the first try.  By that evening I was just done with Inara. I was annoyed with her neediness and exhausted from being her mommy.

But that is when things changed. Justin is loves God so much he saw how I was sinning against God and Inara in my frustration, and brought it to my attention. He showed me through 1 Corinthians how I was being "irritable and resentful" and therefore NOT loving.  At first I was really put off. I mean he wasn't the one with a sick kid who wouldn't do anything except take, take, take from him. After we talked, I went to help some friends. But while in the car, I had a really great time with the Lord.  I told him, how I wasn't really sorry for how I acted. I wanted to be, but I wasn't. My heart was hardened. But God is the great healer, and removed my sinful stubborn heard and gave me a tender responsive heart.

I confessed my sin to the Lord, and also my discouragement. I CANT be the perfect loving parent to Inara. She is NOT loving to me. Yes, I love her very much, but she is still a child and demands her own way. It was hard for me to love her when she seemed so demanding. But He reminded me He has given everything I need in His son. I'll never be perfect, but I can have joy during the hard times being reminded of how I have a perfect Father who is transforming me into be more and more like His Son.

Thursday, I had a day at work that defined Murphy's Law. That was followed by us taking Inara to the ER. She didn't really nap and then spend about 1.5 hrs rolling around on the floor crying out in pain. We are so thankful that it turned out to be a small GI problem and is now doing much better. But I was terrified.

Friday I thought I would have a nice easy day working at a clinic only to have a patient of mine lie to my boss about a conversation we had. I also started my book for bible study I am in studying the book The Excellent Wife. And well, let just say I have a LOT to learn this year... 

After a frustrating visit with a patient on saturday, I restarted my day with a great song that revived me and hopefully will encourage you too. But through this week, even though nothing traumatic happened, I feel I have clung to the Cross and Christ with everything I have. He is my only hope when there is sick kid, when there is stress and work, and when life isn't easy peasy.

 In Christ Alone

In Christ alone my hope is found
He is my light, my strength, my song
This Cornerstone, this solid ground
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm
What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease
My Comforter, my All in All
Here in the love of Christ I stand

In Christ alone, who took on flesh
Fullness of God in helpless babe
This gift of love and righteousness
Scorned by the ones He came to save
'Til on that cross as Jesus died
The wrath of God was satisfied
For every sin on Him was laid
Here in the death of Christ I live

There in the ground His body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain
Then bursting forth in glorious Day
Up from the grave He rose again
And as He stands in victory
Sin's curse has lost its grip on me
For I am His and He is mine
Bought with the precious blood of Christ

No guilt of life, no fear in death
This is the power of Christ in me
From life's first cry to final breath
Jesus commands my destiny
No power of hell, no scheme of man
Can ever pluck me from His hand
'til He returns or calls me home
Here in the power of Christ I'll stand


  1. I'm so sorry that your week was beyond tough! I'm so thankful that the Lord has taught you great things & refreshed you! Thanks for sharing your life & being an encouragement to me!

  2. Thanks for the encouragement! I really want to be real, and sometimes its easier to just post nice and happy posts :)


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