Write Your story

Lately there have been lots of cuddling and rocking with Shepherd. It's sweet and I love it. I soak up every moment. His smell.  His breathing. His growing legs wrapped around me. I gently cover his little head with kisses being oh so careful to not wake him. And as I sit there, so thankful for his life and his presence in our family, I can't help but ache for the child we never got to hold. It's a bitter sweet moment as I rock my youngest son and wonder about my middle child. For some reason I think she was a girl.  I probably would have named her Corrie Elizabeth after my favorite sisters Corrie and Betsy ten Boom. I wonder about her, mourn her absence from our family, and rest in the hope of Heaven and seeing her for the first time.

I don't want to forget my miscarriage because I don't want to forget my middle child. But how to you close that chapter of pain and loss without forgetting it's story?  I'm not quite sure, but I think it's by knowing and trusting the Author. He's written my story. And it might have some pain and tears, but there is more there too.  There is joy, even in the tears.  There is hope. There is peace.  Knowing the Author and how my story ends makes it a story worth living.

I wrote most of this post sitting under a blow dryer getting my hair did.  I didn't want to read the fashion magazines, so I wrote this.  Somehow I made it through without sobbing, and got in my car. I turn on the radio and what do I hear? I hear God. I hear him confirming that he's a good Author and to trust Him with my story.  I've never heard this song before, but when I turned on my radio I heard a Francesca Battestelli song "Write Your Story".  It was perfect timing, the providence of God.

They say
You're the King of everything
The One who taught the wind to sing
The Source of the rhythm my heart keeps beating

They say
You can give the blind their sight
And You can bring the dead to life
You can be the hope my soul's been seekin'

I wanna tell You now that I believe it
I wanna tell You now that I believe it
I do, that You can make me new, oh

I'm an empty page
I'm an open book
Write Your story on my heart
Come on and make Your mark

Author of my hope
Maker of the stars
Let me be Your work of art
Won't You write Your story on my heart

Write Your story, write Your story
Come on and write Your story, write Your story
Won't You write Your story on my heart

My Life
I know it's never really been mine
So do with it whatever You like
I don't know what Your plan is
But I know it's good, yeah

I wanna tell You now that I believe in
I wanna tell You now that I believe in
In You, so do what You do, oh

I'm an empty page
I'm an open book
Write Your story on my heart
Come on and make Your mark

 Author of my hope
Maker of the stars
Let me be Your work of art
Won't You write Your story on my heart

 
I want my history
To be Your legacy
Go ahead and show this world
What You've done in me
And when the music fades
I want my life to say

I let You write your story, write Your story
Write Your story, write Your story

And so I guess that's what this blog is.  It is me, telling people of God writing my story.  The story or redemption. The story of hope.  Because that's the story he has written on my heart. He is faithful even when I am not. There is hope because of Christ.  I pray I never tire of telling His Story.