Tuesday, March 5, 2013

To laugh or cry? That is the question

Today has just been one of those Murphy's Law type of days. Ever had one? Well they suck. At one point I was laughing and crying at the same time because of the absurdity of my day...

Woke up at 8 (I use that term loosely as my days/nights run together in 1 big long day/week). The only plans I had were to shower before I went to my 6 week f/u at my OB office for my post-postpartum visit (fun times right?).  This is how my afternoon went down.

When I scheduled my visit I didn't take into consideration that the time I chose was lunch/nap time (mistake #1).  And when I originally scheduled the visit I wasn't planning on taking 2 kiddos because Justin was supposed to be home from work (which he was not).  I nursed Shepherd right before I left so at least I didn't have that to worry about while I was out. I told Inara we could stop by Wendy's and eat lunch on the way to my appointment...then I had a genius idea...I'll just eat lunch at  the hospital so I don't have to load/unload the kiddos twice...

Well little did I realize that lunch time at GSH is nothing shy of chaos. Super long lines to get food, drink, and pay.  No big deal because I got there early and had time to spare.  So with both kids in tow in the double stroller I headed in. Only I didn't realize that since I was pushing a stroller that I couldn't really hold a tray full of food. So I rested the tray on Shepherd's car seat. People were giving me crazy looks, but hey...a girls gotta do what a girl gotta do, right?  So I am ordering my food, when Inara screams "I gotta go potty". Ok, I'll just ask her to hold it and we will go as soon as I pay...only I realize that since I haven't been out much with both kids, I forgot to have her pee before we left the house. This means she hasn't peed all.day.long and its nearly 1pm.

So I shuffle through as fast as I can and am finally in the line to pay. She starts standing up in her seat and saying "I can't hold it Mom, I have to go NOW".  I start sweating bullets, she is going to poop her pants right here in the cafeteria I know it! And she has been potty trained so long that I don't have an extra pair of clothes....I mean what in the crap am I going to do. So finally I go to the front of the line and ask the gentleman standing there, if I can be next in line and explain my situation. He happily agrees...but wouldn't you know its the dude who is ringing out people...it's his first day and he can't figure out how to ring out the lady in front of me. I realize I have a $12 pre-paid credit card in my wallet. I offer the guy I got in front the rest of the card if he would use it to pay for my lunch so my child doesn't drop a big one in the line.

Then a light shown from heaven on this angel and he offered to pay for my meal and sent me away quickly. I am sure he returned to heaven that instant!  So now a new dilemma, I have a tray full of food and no one to watch it while I run to the bathroom (which is NOT located in the cafeteria). I found a table full of women who said they would watch my tray while I jetted to the bathroom down the hall, all the while getting crazy looks from all the passerby's.

Phew! I make it to the bathroom and I kid you not folks...there was a line! They let me in front of them but its a regular sized stall and it can't fit my double stroller. So in true white trash fashion, I strip down my kid with the door wide open...because if you know me...I can't leave my baby 2 feet away from me with the door closed because someone could steal him people! So I put her on the potty but she refuses to go unless I take off all her clothes.  I try to rationalize with her, but the hand dryer goes off, scares both kids and now all 3 of us are all crying in the bathroom. I can't even make this stuff up.  I finally take off all of Inara's clothes and put her on the toilet, but she slips...and falls.in.the.toilet!  Thankfully she doesn't freak out (although inside I am), she pees, gets dressed, and we are on our way back to the cafeteria.

I find the kind ladies, gather my food...no open tables! My appointment is now in 15 minutes...I know right?!  Finally someone gets up and we sit down...only I forgot the ketchup for our fries.  I am sitting really close to where the ketchup is, so I dash over to grab some. On my way back to the table a lady nearly called 241-KIDS on me for leaving the table to go 10 feet (while watching them the whole time)....and I realize that one of the ketchup packets was busted and my hand is now covered in ketchup and I have no napkins. At this point I am on the verge of laughing hysterically and sobbing uncontrollably.  I muster the courage to go on, and dash back to get some napkins.

Finally I sit down to eat....food is now cold. But honestly I don't even care, but then I realize why everyone was looking at me kind of crazy this whole time. Remember when I nursed Shepherd at home before I left? Well apparently I forgot to fasten my nursing tank all the way...I'll stop there.  Then I see the very nice gentleman angel who paid for my lunch, run to him to ask his name so I could contact someone about how he saved my life...only that's when I actually did break down in tears/laughter (picture a hyena) as I tried to stumble my way through a "Thank You". Poor guy, he was just trying to help out!

We scarf down lunch and nearly run to my appointment to make it just in time! I was hopeful my craziness would end there...not the case. I get in the room and talk to the NP (who is just wonderful BTW).  She asks me to change into my gown piece of paper.  Everything is going great...and then it all hit the fan if you know what I mean :)  Me in stirrups, Shepherd is now hungry and screaming his little head off, Inara crying because I won't let her see my boo-boo...that really happened.  Thankfully she wasn't scarred for life and the NP's assistant kept her at bay by blowing up a glove to look like a balloon...all the while the helper was running back and forth to keep putting the pacifier in Shepherd's mouth.  All the while I am supposed to relax so I can be examined...

*oh and sometime during that chaos Inara got my phone and bought an app she wanted me to have*

Thankfully we made it home without any car wrecks or further tears.  I hope to never repeat that again, however now I can laugh at the crazy events that transpired today. I hope you can laugh too because I am sure if I were being recorded it would have been hilarious :)  Have you ever had one of those days? Where everything that can go wrong does go wrong?


  1. GIRL, THAT'S BRUTAL. I hope every day you move away from it the story gets a little bit funnier. I am so glad you survived -- I would have been a sobbing mess. It's almost a relief once you reach that point of just laughing because it's all so ridiculous!

    1. I was able to laugh...once I got home. I still kind of can't believe all that happened in one day!


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