Having joy and working

This past week has been rough and yesterday it all came to a head.   I woke up and was just straight up depressed.  I was so sleepy when I got off work that I planned on sleeping right up until I had to work, which meant not seeing Inara at all and I was totally ok with it because I exhausted. But when I woke up to it being nearly dark, the thought of me having just enough time to shower and eat before working until 730am, only to go to 2 doctor appointments in the morning, then sleep more until dinner time the next day....it was more than I could handle.  I moped through getting dressed and just felt generally unpleasant.

Thankfully I had a few minutes to sit down and talk it out with God...I am so glad I did.  I sat down on my couch, wrapped up in a warm blanket, watched some snow fall out the window, and still just wanted to complain that I wasn't with Inara to show her the snow outside.  But I picked up my phone and was led to this song:

From the squalor of a borrowed stable,
By the spirit and a virgin's faith;
To the anguish and the shame of scandal
Came the Savior of the human race!
But the skies were filled, with the praise of heav'n,
Shepherds listen as the angels tell 
Of the Gift of God, come down to man
At the dawning of Immanuel

King of heaven now the Friend of sinners,
Humble servant in the Father's hands,
Filled with power and the Holy Spirit,
Filled with mercy for the broken man
Yes he walked my road, and He felt my pain,
Joys and sorrows that I know so well;
Yet His righteous steps, give me hope again -
I will follow my Immanuel!

Through the kisses of a friend's betrayal,
He was lifted on a cruel cross;
He was punished for a world's transgressions,
He was suffering to save the lost
He fights for breath, He fights for me
Loosing sinners from the claims of hell;
And with a shout, our souls are free -
Death defeated by Immanuel!

Now He's standing in the place of honour,
Crowned with glory on the highest throne,
Interceding for His own beloved
Till His Father calls us to bring them home!
Then the skies will part, as the trumpet sounds
Hope of heaven or the fear of hell;
But the Bride will run, to her Lover's arms,
Giving glory to Immanuel!

I barely made it through the first verse before I became a blubbering mess.  It wasn't that God was saying "Oh, don't be sad, this isn't a big deal". It was that even though it is a bummer (even though I really do love my job) that I work outside the home...Jesus knows! "Yes, he walked my road and he felt my pain. Joys and sorrows that I know so well!"  Jesus knows how it is hard to be in a place you don't want to be.  Jesus knows how it feels to be separated from your family! He left his Father for over 30 years.  I didn't feel alone. But more than how I feel, the truth is that I am not alone. 

The next stanza is "yet his righteous steps give me hope again. I will follow my Immanuel." How true? Jesus' life gives me hope. Hope and peace that even though I did not want to work, I can follow his lead and have joy in my circumstance because my "soul is free-death defeated by Immanuel".  I can do more than just and clock in/out. I can be a light in a dark place. I can be a hard worker at a job I love, even while I pray to one day have the privilege to be a full-time worker at home. Because the truth is, no matter where I am "working", God's work is complete in me. He has saved me from emptiness, loneliness, discontentment, and ultimately Hell.  He has brought me into his Kingdom, calls me his beloved, and suffered and died...for me.  

What a difference this made in my time at work.  I know that I can do the life God has given me well (working nights, 3rd trimester, lots of appointments, wife, mom) because it was given to me by God. He hand picked what I need to be more like his perfect Son...and that is what I am living right now.