Great is His faithfulness!

*Warning...long post ahead, but it will be worth it :)

Well I told you there was more to my interview story and there is....kind of. I really feel God used the whole interview process of fighting the mental battle of worry and hoping in Him alone to prepare me for what would happen just a few days later...a miscarriage.

Wednesday was my interview and then on Saturday I found out I was pregnant.  I was about a week late so I figured I would just do a little double check. I kept it real classy and took a pregnancy test in the Kroger bathroom...after midnight...and I may or may not have been in my pajamas :)  Immediately it was negative, but that is what happened with Inara so I decided to wait the full 3 minutes to look again. I packed up my stuff put on my coat and looked again...POSITIVE! I seriously was freaking out and may have cussed a little. Not because I was mad...but because I was so surprised.  I called my BFF (yep almost 27 and I have a BFF, don't judge) to tell her the news. I didn't tell Justin first because he had previously given me permission to discuss with Katie and her husband to find some fun/creative way to tell him.  I tried not to freak out and get too excited...but that really hard. I calculated my EDD...early November.  That seemed perfect to me, because I love the time when Inara was born.

That night I got like ZERO sleep! I really tried to fight the battle of my thoughts and just get some rest.  I kept telling myself "I'm pregnant...well so what! You will still be pregnant in the morning and you BEST get some sleep so you can take care of Justin and Inara".  So I woke up in the morning and took another test...I dunno just to double check or something...and well it WAS positive...but just barely.  I thought that was strange, but had a friend who recently had a similar situation and everything turned out fine.  I talked to her at church and see (very wisely) suggested I talk with Justin about what was going on. So I did...and let me just take a minute to brag on my man. He is the best. He was so sweet, caring and tender the whole time.  I can't imagine going through life without him. He truly is my other half.  We talked and I decided I would take one Monday morning and see how it went from there.  Monday morning came and it was negative.  So I figured I would call my doctor.  I'll save you all the details, but on Wednesday it was confirmed I had a miscarriage.

But while I was waiting to know whether I was still pregnant or use to be pregnant, God was really amazing to me.  He helped me to hope in him alone, not compare my self to my friend who had a similar situation and who continued to be pregnant, and even help me go to a baby shower for a friend and be genuinely happy for her and the other 9 million pregnant women there :)  I wasn't bitter or jealous and when people would ask "So when are you guys going to have another baby" (a question I have learned a while ago to not ask people) I didn't get emotional and think "well actually I am pretty sure I am miscarrying right now".  Instead I said, who knows? And that was true.  I am SO very thankful to be able to share in my friends celebration and focus on her and not my self. It truly was a gift from God

So Wednesday, I started the day feeling pretty crappy, but still had to go to work. It was so amazing though how God tenderly reminded me of his goodness. On my way to to drop off Inara at my parents we had this sweet little conversation:

Inara: Where we goin?

Me: We are going to mawmaw and pawpaws

Inara: Why?

Me: Because Pawpaw loves you and wants to take care of you

Inara: Why?

Me: Because God gives us family as a blessing to love us

Inara: What's a blessing?

Me: Well a blessing is something that God gives us because he loves us. So family is a blessing from God

Inara: And what else?

Me: Having a warm house is a blessing

Inara: And what else?

Me:  Well having yummy food to eat is a blessing

Inara: and what else?

Me:  Having a God that loves us is a blessing

Well you get the point, but that conversation lasted nearly the whole car ride as Inara forced me to recall all the blessings in my life at the exact time I needed to be reminded of them. It was such a tender way to God remind me of His goodness and ALL the amazing blessings I have.

So yeah...I guess that is the story. I am not devastated but it was a pretty big bummer.  Even though I was shortly pregnant, I wanted to remember. Once again as a testimony for how good God is because this time showed me a little more about how gracious and wonderful our Savior is.

I Remember my affliction and my wanderings,

     the wormwood and the gall!

 

My soul continually remembers it

     and is bowed down within me.

 

But this I call to mind,

    and therefore I have hope:

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;

     his mercies never come to an end;

 

they are new every morning;

     great is your faithfulness.

 

“The Lord is my portion,” says my soul,

     “therefore I will hope in him.”

Lamentations 3:19-23

PS, when I copied this text from biblegateway.com the text was not bold, but when I pasted it to my blog it was...divine intervention huh :) Just thought it was a funny way for God to remind me!