Saturday, March 19, 2011

I may be a little crazy

I feel like becoming a mom has made me a little crazy? Am I the only one? I feel like my craziness started before she was even born. I didn't tell any of patients I was pregnant. I mean I don't know their family. They could have a crazy person I didn't know about who would trap me and cut out my baby...right? Also before she was born I put out all my "baby trash" (like crib box etc) late at night before the garbage came. I mean I could have a crazy neighbor who could break in and cut out my baby...right? Or wait until I bring her home and sneak in and steal her. I know I am a crazy mom.

Well this paranoia with someone stealing my baby wasn't helped by her traumatic delivery situation. I saw her briefly after she was born and I recovered in the PACU. Not only was it basically a drive by viewing of her in her incubator, I was so drugged up I don't remember a thing, PLUS she was covered in tubes and masks, so even if I COULD remember meeting her for the 1st time, I wasn't able to see her face. The next day I was too sick to see her at all. So 2 days after her birth I finally was able to really see her, but she was still covered in tubes, tape, and a mask. Someone totally could have switched my baby, and I wouldn't even know! EXCEPT, our precious little miracle baby has 1 extra toe on her right foot. That was the first thing I looked for when I visited her in the NICU...that little cute toe. Then I knew she was mine. I love that little extra toe

So all this to say, I am SUPER sad that Friday it will be removed. I know its definitely what needs to happen. But in some crazy mom way, it is also definitely making me very sad. It was such a HUGE gift God gave us in such a crazy time. Just another reminder that God is my heavenly Father, provider, and sustainer.  I mean with post pregnancy hormones raging, I could TOTALLY see me losing it if I couldn't recognize her as mine. So hopefully come Friday I won't fall to pieces, but if I do Justin will be there with me to put me together.

Here are some pics I took. Because some people think its just a little nubbin. But no, its a full fledged extra toe.  I just love this little guy...and of course the little girl its attached to :)


  1. I totally get your fear of not "recognizing" her and loving that God gave her that little toe if reassurance! I'll tell you what my crazy fear was next time I see you. You'll laugh.

    I have been wondering, though... Why does it have to be removed? I love that little toe, too!

  2. Can't wait to hear your crazy fear :) While she technically doesn't HAVE to have it removed, there are MANY reasons we are choosing to.
    1. Shoes- its already impossible to find them to fit her. And when we take off her shoes her little toe is so red from being crammed in shoes.
    Since she doesn't have them on both feet, we would essentially have to end up buying one size for her normal foot and one size for her "special" foot
    2. She is a girl. I can hear her cussing me out in her head as a teenage girl with an extra toe on one of her feet when she found out we had the option of removing it.
    3. I also can't imagine being an adult with an extra toe and how bizarre that would look/how impossible/expensive buying shoes (cute ones at that) would be

    so that's why we are removing it. The surgeon said its up to us, but he agreed she probably wouldn't be able to wear normal shoes

  3. Wow! That is really something. I have never met anyone with an extra toe. I can see how the removal would be a little bitter sweet ;)


I would love to hear what you think!

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