Rough Day

Yesterday...wow what an emotional day. I had an appointment with a Lactation Consultant to see what was going on with Inara because she did seem to be making any progress. She was running a little behind, but it wasn't a big deal because Inara sleep great in her car seat. But once we woke her up, she was READY to eat! The LC saw what was going on and had a few suggestions and wanted me to try a 2 products. But Inara was screaming and just so unhappy about trying to nurse at that time. The LC was really upset I "fell through the cracks". She said she was impressed I have been trying as long as I had, since I haven't had much success. She said I should try to come back a few times and she would help me. I was excited.

Then I went to check out and it was $60! I didn't even think about her charging me for her services ($60/hr). The LC at CCHMC was free! So by the time I got to the car I was a wreck! All the little stuff is just so quickly adding up. I was upset it was so expensive and then upset that I cared more about the money than helping Inara learn the skill of breastfeeding. And to top it off, she told me different things than the other 2 LC I have met with. It just seems I am getting so much different advice. And to top it off, how I had been nursing her for about a month was completely wrong! I have been trying SO hard to get her to nurse and it was for nothing because it was the wrong technique! I was so upset. It is just emotionally exhausting to keep trying, and then to learn all my hard work was for nothing. I just lost it. I called Justin in tears. The roads were getting bad and he wanted to talk when I got home, so I wasn't cying and driving on slick roads. He is the best hubby ever :)

On my way home I got rear ended. It was HORRIBLE. As soon as we got hit Inara started screaming and I started crying again. I was so scared she was hurt! Luckily she was only scared and no injuries, but I was terrified. Plus on top of my emotional day, it wouldn't' have taken much to make me cry at that point. The guy who hit me didn't wanna call the police because he said he was driving on a suspended license. A cop saw my car and pulled up and the guy and his mother started their lying about the wreck. The cop filled out the report and I drove my car to my parents house. My car is BAD. My Dad thinks it is probably totaled. We aren't sure if the other persons insurance will pay since he wasn't a licensed driving. We also have to buy a new car seat because of the wreck. UGH!

I am SO thankful beyond belief that we were both alright. As my Dad has always said (and said today too) "Cars are replaceable, you aren't". My parents are so great. They have already offered to buy a new car seat for us. I know everything will be taken care of, it was just a really stressful day. And all this expenses are on top of the ever increasing medical bills. But thinking about the debt we are racking up for ourselves is such a great reminder of the debt Jesus paid on the cross. My BIGGEST debt was paid when He died for my sins! What a beautiful and great reminder in this season! Justin and I had previously had a VERY LONG season of financial blessing. It seems that season is over, but I am thankful the season of God's eternal blessing never ends! God is good/faithful/true at all times. The following song is so amazing. I am thankful for the truth it reminds me.

Shall I take from Your hand Your blessings
Yet not welcome any pain
Shall I thank You for days of sunshine
Yet grumble in days of rain
Shall I love You in times of plenty
Then leave You in days of drought
Shall I trust when I reap a harvest
But when winter winds blow, then doubt

Oh let Your will be done in me
In Your love I will abide
Oh I long for nothing else as long
As You are glorified

Are You good only when I prosper
And true only when I’m filled
Are You King only when I’m carefree
And God only when I’m well
You are good when I’m poor and needy
You are true when I’m parched and dry
You still reign in the deepest valley
You’re still God in the darkest night

So quiet my restless heart, quiet my restless heart
Quiet my restless heart in You

Words and Music by Mark Altrogge.
© 2008 Sovereign Grace Praise (BMI). Sovereign Grace Music, a division of Sovereign Grace Ministries.