Bad times, Good times

Yesterday and today have been days filled with mixed emotions. Yesterday was so amazing once again. Justin and I walked into see Inara to find her in real clothes! It was so amazing to see her dressed like a real baby. It is exciting because it seems like every time we go and see her, a new surprise/good news awaits us.

Last night however, I became so sad. I am no longer pregnant and feeling her move inside, yet I gave birth (and have the scars/pain to prove it) with out the joy of bringing home a baby. It is hard. Being home without her I know will only become harder. Justin is so supportive and reminds me that it is ok to be sad. Sick babies were not a part of God's original plan for us and an example of living in a fallen world. It is right for me to be sad, because this is not what God intended for us. At the same time, I can (and do) have a joy and peace that can only be given by a loving and compassionate God. In the midst of this hard time and tears, God has given me a joy that no sickness or even death can rob me: the joy that His son died for my sins, rose to defeat sin/satan/death, has given me the Holy Spirit to comfort me, and is preparing a home in heaven. PRAISE GOD!

Today has been hard too. It is so hard to leave the NICU without her, I just want to stay there forever. I can't wait until she comes home. I think when that day comes, I will just hold her and stare at her all day. Today has also been good as well. Today at church, the service was testimonies of God's goodness. Although it was hard, we HAD to tell of God's goodness and faithfulness to us.

Tomorrow they will try to put Inara in a crib, transfer to St Elizabeth (YAY), and maybe even take out her PICC line. Once again, another day full of God's grace!