Future Lauren

Dear future Lauren,

I know you REALLY want to make breastfeeding work. That is awesome!  So now its about time to go back to working nights, and you are a little worried.  What if it doesn't work out now? Will working nights ruin all your hard work you put into breast feeding?  What if *gasp* you have to use formula now.  Well here's the thing self, its ok.  Since I am in my right, non-hormonal, stressed about going back to work mind...I'll point you in the right direction so you will succeed. Not succeed in breast feeding, but succeed in realizing that whatever happens it.will.be.fine. and more importantly- God is still on his throne. So thank your best friend Katie for sending you some true things to think about..and here they are:

Feelings: I will bond more with this babe if I breastfeed, I will save our family money, it will be more convenient, I want to experience what I "missed out on" with Inara.
Truth: BF does not necessarily affect our long term relationship, my identity in Christ is what will impact and draw him; Justin (who is the leader of your home) is not concerned about our finances; it may not always be convenient (dates, trips away, nighttime feedings, others inability to help); resting in the work CHRIST has done in me to persevere, have a level head, and stay strong is where I should rest and praise, for I can do nothing apart from Christ.  

Feelings: I worry I will still be disappointed in I am unable to make BF work for our family
Truth: I may be disappointed (and that is ok) but I should not be devastated. I did not have a child so that I could BF him. I am blessed with a baby>child>person who belongs to God and His will is best for all of us. HOW I feed my child is so unimportant in the overall picture of their life. HOW I feed my child does not define any spiritual or moral aspect of me. It does not serve to build me up or tear me down in any way. I am defined in Christ. God does not call me to breastfeed but to raise up His child to know Him.

Oh Lord, help me to maintain a perspective on breastfeeding that honors you. Help me to not make it anything more than it is-merely a way to feed our child.  Remind me of the insignificant eternal benefits of breastfeeding. Help me to remember I serve you first, not myself, my abilities or achievements. Help me to be content and even excited that Your will is best and it will be done regardless of how much I fight it. Change my heart, change my thinking to see this struggle through Your truth. Help me to persevere in breastfeeding and keep me acutely aware that if I succeed, You and You alone are worthy of praise. Help me to see Your power in my weakness. Use this Lord to draw me closer to you and to trust in your perfect plan, even if it is not what I want. Amen.